6 Ways You May Be Cheating On Your Spouse Without Even Realizing It | Huffington Post

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“How could you!”

Sexual affairs may be the most widely known type of infidelity, but these days, betrayal take many forms.

“If effort is consistently being expended outside the marriage, that may be a sign of a non-traditional affair, like an emotional affair,” psychotherapist Abby Rodman told The Huffington Post. “The result of a non-traditional affair is the same: The spouse feels hurt, disillusioned and marginalized.”

Below, Rodman and other marriage experts share the most damaging types of betrayals that occur in modern marriages.

“This is the most widely known type of affair: Just as humans have emotional needs, we have physical needs, too. We are all social animals and our simple needs are primitive: we desire sex. Outside of the heightened physical pleasure sex provides, sex can release oxytocin, a bonding hormone. That’s why a lack of sex within a couple can cause one to stray in order for them to get those physical and emotional needs met.” ― Carin Goldstein, a marriage and family therapist in Sherman Oaks, California

“In this type of affair, one partner is starving for an adult emotional connection, and they’ve usually given up on getting it from their spouse. The partner may be depressed and not feel like themselves anymore. Then, someone they know, a co-worker for instance, pays attention to them. They laugh at jokes, comment on the married person’s devotion to their kids. The two become emotionally connected. The partner usually justifies the emotional affair because they see it as the lesser of two evils: They don’t have to leave their spouse or break up the family but in the meantime, they’re willing to supplement their marriage with another person.” ― Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist and the author of After A Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy with Your Wife 

“When we think of cheating, many of us think of opportunistic one-night stands, physical affairs and illicit secret trysts. But now with online and smartphone accessibility, there are new forms of cheating: you don’t even have to leave your home to have a cyber affair with a stranger or stream porn online. Most online cheaters I’ve spoken to believe ‘it’s no big deal’ and that they are not really cheating because they’re not getting physical with anyone in real life. They believe that their dalliances allow them to stay in their marriage or relationship because it diffuses their boredom. As I’ve seen, these ‘innocent liaisons’ can become a fatal blow to a relationship.” ― Sheri Meyers, a marriage and family therapist and the author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship  

“If you’re consistently reliving the love you had with a partner from the past, you’re doing your marriage a disservice. Thinking about past loves with affection is perfectly normal. But if you’re pining for an old relationship or keeping that person on the back burner,you’re not giving your current partner a fair shake. Even if you truly believe that other person is the one who got away, it’s time to move on and be present for your partner. And remember, that relationship didn’t work out for a good reason…or 10.” ―  Abby Rodman, a psychotherapist and the author of Should You Marry Him?: A No-Nonsense, Therapist-Tested Guide to Not Screwing Up the Biggest Decision of Your Life

“Many a marriage is destroyed over this neglected category I call interest affairs. Just like alcohol or drug addiction, interest affairs do tremendous damage to relationships and families and are difficult to treat. The damage begins when a spouse turns into a zealot or fanatic over something. The possibilities are endless: politics and politicians, sports, hunting, religion, a friend, family member, child pageants, crafting, selling beauty products, exercise, food, nutrition ― it really can be any interest. What is true of all of them is that a husband or wife becomes so obsessed with their favorite new activity that it becomes their first priority over their spouse. The only difference with this type of affair is that these distractions are not romantic, sexual or secretive.”  ― Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist in Little Rock, Arkansas

Financial infidelity is surprisingly frequent among couples. The issue that is most difficult to recover from is the lack of transparency. It often leads to broken trust. Financial infidelity may come in the form of withholding information about spending habits, accumulating credit card debt which a partner has no knowledge of, supporting others outside of the relationship financially or keeping any other form of spending or financial decision-making a secret. The secrecy of financial infidelity leaves the deepest scars. When there is intentional withholding of information regarding finances, the trust is almost always damaged.” ― Liz Higgins, a couples therapist in Dallas, Texas

Source: 6 Ways You May Be Cheating On Your Spouse Without Even Realizing It

Vogue Asks If ‘Cleavage Is Over,’ Forgetting Some Women Just Have Big Boobs 

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British Vogue posed a very important question to its readers Wednesday: “Is the cleavage over?”

The magazine polled readers on the subject on Twitter and in a blog post to promote an article in the December issue titled “Desperately Seeking Cleavage” by Kathleen Baird-Murray.

Is The Cleavage Over? As @KathleenBM explores the topic in , what’s your take on covering up? http://vogue.uk/qhmCIR 

The piece reportedly explores the theory that cleavage may be going out of style ― a topic that inspired the author after she noticed the lack of “pertinently pushed-up breastseverywhere from the runway to the red carpet.”

“Whatever happened to the cleavage?” the magazine quotes Baird-Murray as asking, pointing to the prominence of high necklines and pussy bows. “The tits will not be out for the lads. Or for anyone else, for that matter.”

But the question Vogue offers to its readers ― “Is the cleavage over?” ― seems to forget that cleavage refers to body parts and not a fashion trend that comes and goes. Not all women are able to make their cleavage magically disappear just because a magazine declares it out of style.

The question sparked some backlash, forcing readers to reckon with the anatomy of their own bosoms and why it’s being discussed as a trend.

Vogue has apparently said breasts are no longer fashionable. That is not how bodies work fam

@BritishVogue@KathleenBM really? Every body shape will always be in fashion. Stop giving us girls a complex on our image.

@BritishVogue@KathleenBM do better than this vogue. focus on the clothes not body fascism. Tits are not an accessory

So Vogue are basically saying that body shapes like mine are out of fashion. What about people who can’t help having cleavage?

While many critics blasted Vogue for critiquing women’s bodies, the article’s author took to Twitter to defend her piece. Baird-Murray argued that the article, which hadn’t yet been published, focused on fashion designers’ choices and not breast size.

“Just to be clear: [British Vogue] cleavage story is not about breast size, large or small, being ‘in’ or ‘out,’” Baird-Murray explained, urging critics to read the whole story.

Just to be clear: @BritishVogue cleavage story is not about breast size, large or small, being “in” or “out”.

(@britishvogue) It’s saying that fashion designers are creating more natural, comfortable clothes….

Baird-Murray didn’t immediately respond to  inquiry.

The article may well focus on fashion designers, but asking readers to vote on whether a body part is “over” forces people to look at large breasts and label them as hot or not.

The poll is especially problematic in an industry known to exclude plus-size women from its runways, advertisements and clothing collections.

“There are 100 million plus-size women in America, and, for the past three years, they have increased their spending on clothes faster than their straight-size counterparts,” Tim Gunn wrote for The Washington Post in September. “But many designers ― dripping with disdain, lacking imagination or simply too cowardly to take a risk ― still refuse to make clothes for them.”

But it seems that British Vogue’s followers saw right through the magazine’s cleavage poll. As of Wednesday evening, the “Cleavage is over” option only had 10 percent of votes, while “If you have it, flaunt it,” was winning with 68 percent of 27,385 votes.

TWITTERBRITISH VOGUE

So if anyone in the fashion industry is still wondering if the cleavage is over, you have your answer: Nope. But it shouldn’t matter anyway.

Source: Vogue Asks If ‘Cleavage Is Over,’ Forgetting Some Women Just Have Big Boobs 

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Is This What the New Ferrari F12M Will Look Like?

By; Will Sabel Courtney
Is This What the New Ferrari F12M Will Look Like?
Is This What the New Ferrari F12M Will Look Like?

Barring some unforeseen natural disaster, Ferrari will in all likelihood reveal its successor to the F12berlinetta early next year. Mysterious camouflaged prototypes have already been seen roaming the streets of Maranello, covered almost from stem to stern.

Rather than wait several months to find out what lies beneath that cloak, however, one graphic artist has taken it upon himself to take an educated guess at what Ferrari fanatics are calling the F12M will look like, based on the handful of spy photos available, ferrari’s current design language, and some of the best intelligence from the world’s Ferraristas.

Milanno, as he’s known on FerrariChat, agreed to share his renderings with The Drive. The revised exterior has been inspired by the stylistic alterations Ferrari made to the F12’s four-seat gran turismo sibling, the GTC4Lusso, as it metamorphosed from the FF into the current model. His F12M has four taillamps in back instead of the two large ones from the current model, with the trianglular style elements of the rear restyled to match the smaller-diameter lamps.

Likewise, the “Aerobridge” located between the front wheelwell and the door has been revised to send air backwards instead of downwards, with the door restyled to match the change in air flow for a cleaner look. Overall, it bears a bit of a resemblance to the 550 Maranello of the 1990s…which, in our books, is no bad thing.

Inside, Milanno made fewer changes to the existing F12berlinetta’s cabin. The biggest change he made is to add a large touchscreen on the passenger’s side of the cabin, which, as you can see, runs Apple CarPlay in his rendering. (As the two-seat V-12 models are expected to remain on the sportier end of the Ferrari lineup, we don’t expect the F12M to grow an iPad-like central touchscreen like the one seen in the GTC4Lusso.)

We likely won’t know until next February what the F12M really looks like—or what it’s actually called. But don’t be surprised if those first press shots wind up looking a fair bit like this.

The Drive
The Drive
The Drive
The Drive

Source: Is This What the New Ferrari F12M Will Look Like?

How to Ace Your Next Job Interview 

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Anyone launching a career knows how hard it is to get a job interview. Since you don’t get a lot of shots, it’s crucial to make every one count. Your goal is to overprepare and go all out to convince the interviewer that you are a fantastic candidate. Even if you don’t get an offer, or maybe you’re not even sure you want the gig, your interviewer could be a crucial ally in the future, passing your name on to others at the company or hiring you for a different role down the road. Here are six steps to keeping your resume on the top of the stack.

• Learn everything you can about the company and the job you’re seeking. It seems obvious, but Caroline Ceniza-Levine, co-founder of Six Figure Start, a career coaching firm, recalls candidates for jobs at Time Inc. being unable to tell her the names of the firm’s publications. “It was a question that enabled me to weed out so many people,” Ceniza-Levine says. Read the job description line-by-line to make sure you fit the bill and can articulate why, Ceniza-Levine says. If Microsoft Excel skills are required, you’ll want to not only declare your proficiency, but to tout how you’ve used Excel successfully in past roles. Interviewers want specifics.

• Prepare your own questions: Job candidates should be ready to interview the company as well to be interviewed. From your perspective, of course, you want to learn everything possible about the business and their potential role. More importantly, smart questions tell a potential hiring manager that you are enthusiastic, curious, and engaged. If you don’t have a list of questions prepared, that tells a hiring manager “you’re not that interested,” says Jeff Lipschultz, principal at recruiter A-List Solutions.

• Take ownership of the interview: True, you’re the one being interviewed, but use it as an opportunity to sell your skills and background. Many interviewers don’t know how to draw details out of a candidate. Don’t let their inadequacy hurt your chances of getting a job. Write a checklist of key points you want to convey in the interview. Make sure you have at least two examples of how you solved a problem at your current job. If you are a recent graduate, then explain specific skills you developed on a summer internship. A checklist tells a hiring manager you’re organized and have thought the job through. It also ensures you can tick off important details about how you handled a difficult customer or met a tight deadline when an open-ended question comes your way. You know, the one that begins, “tell me about yourself.”

• Practice, practice, practice. Role play with professionals you may know — neighbors, friends, whomever — ideally people in human resources or recruiting roles, to get comfortable with your answers. If no one is available, try your university’s career service office, even if you’re already out of school. You’re in New York and your alma mater is in Virginia? No problem. With more companies conducting phone interviews, it’s an opportunity to practice conveying your knowledge and personality over the phone, Ceniza-Levine says.

• Make sure your voice doesn’t rise at the end of every sentence. Really. A rising cadence — that voice that makes everything sound like a question — is a trait many younger job-seekers don’t realize affects their voice until they listen to a recording of themselves speaking. The problem is a sing-song tone doesn’t project confidence. “It’s a credibility buster,” says Ceniza-Levine. “If you talk young in addition to looking young, that’s a problem.”

• Write a thank-you note. Your mother has always told you this, and it’s true. Some managers expect a thank-you note within 24 hours of the interview, says Ceniza-Levine. No need to break out the note paper, just send an email, but be sure to personalize it by referring back to a topic that resonated during the interview. Bonus points if you offer links to an article or to research that answers a question that came up when you met, Lipschultz says: “If it’s a tie, and there are two great candidates, and one sends a thank you note with a really good idea, it could be a tipping point.”

True story: A woman who applied for a job at Barron’s recently followed up the interview with a three-page email full of links to projects she had worked on at previous jobs. She’s getting an offer.

 

Source: How to Ace Your Next Job Interview

Exclamation Marks Are Feminist As F**k 

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At the start of my career, I didn’t dare use exclamation marks in emails. I worked at a business magazine and wanted to convince my colleagues I could pull off a blazer (I couldn’t) and knew about the economy (I didn’t).

Emails from my boss and senior editors were brusque  – “sure,” “fine,” “needs work”– and stoked my constant fear that they hated me or thought I was stupid. I quickly correlated being smart with being unemotive. The last thing I needed was to punctuate like a woman who drinks pumpkin spice lattes.

It came as a surprise when a female boss at my next job used exclamation marks like a grammatical salt shaker: “Running late!”; “Happy to see you!”; “Can you fix this typo? Thanks!” But instead of questioning her intellect, I felt relief. The earnest punctuation took the edge off every message. I never wasted hours wondering if she was disappointed in me or just in a rush. She never seemed unapproachable like my previous managers had.

I started using exclamation marks myself and I’m not alone.

Though the dash-and-dots are stereotypically associated with teenage girls texting one another about their crushes ― “omg Bobby’s hair today!!” ―  it has now become completely normal for professional women (and of course some men) to use them in work emails. Critics say the enthusiastic punctuation undermines the authority of a message; real leaders should end statements with sombre periods not high fives. But exclamation marks have made workplaces better for women. Professionals who use the punctuation mark challenge the sexist notion that “female” qualities such as emotional sensitivity and compassion are antithetical to good leadership.

Multiple studies have shown that women use exclamation marks more than men. We are generally an emotive gender and also express ourselves on the Internet using “xo,” emoticons, ALL CAPS and repeating letters (Hiiiii) more than dudes. But professional women don’t use enthusiastic punctuation because talk of meetings and deadlines make them school-girl level giddy. They use exclamation marks to convey friendliness when they divvy out tasks or deliver criticism.

You could argue that choice only further fuels the stereotype that women should be nice, but what’s wrong with sparing your colleague the anxiety of thinking you’re frustrated with them if you’re not? Workplaces could use more employees who care about each other’s well-being in addition to their own success.

The stigma around exclamation marks exists primarily because emotional sensitivity isn’t a quality we associate with good leadership. Research shows we think “masculine” characteristics, like being assertive, dominant or competitive, equal authority. Strengths we associate with women – such as compassion, communication and collaboration – are often seen as weakness in the workplace. Don Draper-types are still the gold standard, despite evidence that shows employees are better motivated by bosses who care about their emotional well-being than those who rely on intimidation. Especially in a time when people work longer hours than ever with less worker protection, we need leaders who don’t see empathy as a fault.

Luckily, the outdated stereotype of what makes an effective boss is changing, in part thanks to leaders who aren’t afraid of an expressive communication style. According to an Atlantic article, Diane Sawyer, Arianna Huffington and Nora Ephron often sign professional emails with “xo.” No one can accuse these women of lacking authority. It’s now the exception when I correspond with female editors who don’t use exclamation marks.

If I’m contacting an industry heavyweight or renowned expert for the first time, I might stick with periods just to feel them out. What if they find me overly earnest? But nine times out of 10 they respond, “Hey Angelina!” – the digital equivalent of tentatively reaching out for a handshake and getting wrapped in a warm hug.

Friendly emails are a sign of progress, not weakness, in our working lives. The many women who already use exclamation marks in business emails know you can both act like a feeling human on Gmail and have professional success. The sooner more men and women embrace an emotive writing style, the sooner we can dispel the myth that good leaders must be steely, distant and motivate employees through fear.

*This column previously appeared in the Ottawa Citizen

Source: Exclamation Marks Are Feminist As F**k

The 5 Things We Did In Our 20s That We Regret In Midlife 

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As old blue eyes sang in “My Way,” “Regrets, I’ve had a few…” Actually, we’re not so sure that we’ve had all that many. When the Huff/Post50 team began jawing about things we did in our 20s that we regret now, it became more of a laughfest of “OMG! Do you believe we did that??”

The truth of it is, we here at Huff/Post50 kind of live by the credo that regrets are a waste of time. You did it, you survived it, now move on. But here are a few things that yeah, we suppose we might have, could have, should have maybe skipped in our salad years.

1. Listened to music so loud that we damaged our hearing.

Back in the day, nobody walked around with headphones or plugs in their ears. No, we just turned up the volume until the windows rattled and the neighbor below banged on her ceiling with a broom handle.

Approximately one in three people in the United States between 65 and 74 has hearing loss, and nearly half of those older than 75 have difficulty hearing, according to the National Institute on Deafness. Generally speaking, hearing loss is age-related. But yes, factors that can influence its severity and progression include exposure to loud noises on a regular basis.

Hearing problems among baby boomers are higher than were ever reported for previous generations, according to Healthy Aging for Women.

2. Never wore a seat belt.

Before anyone wags a finger in our face, we plead innocent by reason of ignorance. That’s right. Nobody was telling us we had to; cars weren’t even federally mandated to have seat belts until 1968 and it took states even longer to require that everyone use them. In New Hampshire ― the “live free or die” state ― adults over age 18 still don’t have to wear them.

Yes, we now know that seat belts save lives. Wearing a seat belt reduces the risk of fatal injury to front seat passengers by 45 percent, and the risk of moderate-to-critical injury by 50 percent, says the Centers for Disease Control. Maybe the New Hampshire motto should be “live free and die?”

3. Drove drunk.

Driving drunk used to be funny, with the occasional prom night death crash punctuating the idea that maybe it wasn’t. By and large, getting wasted was considered cool. Driving home while under the influence was something you boasted about. And waking up in the morning and finding your car parked on the lawn or on top of the now-busted fire hydrant was the stuff legends were made of.

Until it wasn’t.

Driving drunk wasn’t just for frat boys. We carried the behavior into our young adult years. Then in 1980, along came Mothers Against Drunk Driving ― aka MADD ― and everyone knew what happens when mommas get mad. So we listened. Since MADD’s Campaign to Eliminate Drunk Driving was launched in 2006, there has been an almost 27 percent decrease in drunk driving fatalities.

Driving under the influence is one of the things we regret. We feel lucky we lived to tell about it. And now it is with embarrassment, not boastfulness, that we talk about it to our kids.

4. Hitchhiked through Europe for a year with only a backpack.

No, not a whit of regret about this one. But we are including it as one of the things that regrettably, nobody today should probably do. Chalk this one up to the world changing. The idea of our college kids hitchhiking anywhere in the world today would send us grabbing for a Xanax.

When we traveled in the 1970s, we went off on quests to find ourselves. Hitchhiking and staying in youth hostels were the portals for meeting the most interesting people. And it felt safe, even for young women traveling alone.

This was all before terrorists and bombs and crazy lunatics.  We were life travelers, not the tourists who take photos in front of the Eiffel Tower and check France off their bucket list.

File this one under “Do what I say, not what I did.”

5. The backpack part.

One of our greatest anchors are our possessions. We have too much stuff. Living out of just a backpack for a year was a valuable life lesson on differentiating between our true needs and our wants. What we regret is that the lesson didn’t stick. We spent the ensuing decades buying newer and newer cars and bigger and bigger houses and more pairs of black pants than anyone could ever wear in a lifetime.

And as a result of not remembering that lesson of how less can be more, we morphed into a generation of spenders, not savers. And at the moment, we are people who worry about being able to afford to retire.

And that, absolutely, is regrettable.

Source: The 5 Things We Did In Our 20s That We Regret In Midlife 

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